Advice and direction for those just discovering their caregiving personality or draw to parent another adult.
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#39
I am new to caregiving and I’m not really sure, I am trying to get used to talking to my little like she’s a baby and treating her as such but I can find difficulty in it at times. My little is very sensitive and can also be bratty sometimes and if I’m not in “daddy space” I can act insensitively cuz I’d expect her to know better, but when she is in little space she won’t respond well to it, need some advice please.
#40
PapaQ wrote: 2 months ago I am new to caregiving and I’m not really sure, I am trying to get used to talking to my little like she’s a baby and treating her as such but I can find difficulty in it at times.
This may just be newness that will wear off over time. I’m not sure you should be too worried about it just yet. Continue doing your best so that your new language becomes more common for you to use. Practice some statements while alone sometimes if you need to feel more comfortable saying certain phrases or words.

PapaQ wrote: 2 months ago My little is very sensitive and can also be bratty sometimes and if I’m not in “daddy space” I can act insensitively cuz I’d expect her to know better, but when she is in little space she won’t respond well to it, need some advice please.
It’s good to remember that she is always an adult and does “know better” despite her feeling childlike. She never transforms into being an actual child. With that being said, it’s okay to talk to her and let her know that some things that push your buttons aren’t okay to do just because she’s feeling more regressed.

She should have respect for you just like you have respect for her. You don’t want to hurt her feelings and she should try to be mindful as to not put you in that position, if possible (of course, accidents happen). So, it’s very valuable to talk about these things. Let her know how you feel during those times and what you aren’t okay with happening so that you two can avoid tension. (“Janie, you know I love you and I love being your Daddy, but when you do some things like _____ I get really unhappy. I end up saying things that hurt your feelings and that weighs on my self-esteem. I need you to be more mindful of my feelings too and try not to _____ any more, please.”)

You may also implement things like counting in effort to give her a signal that she’s pushing you too far and is getting out of hand. (“Janie, I’m going to close my eyes and count to 10 and need you to calm down with me. At 10 this situation needs to have changed.”) The counting may also help you to calm down enough to better respond in a different way. You’ll have to communicate well beforehand (when she isn’t feeling as regressed) to her the intentions of the counting is because you’re becoming genuinely upset and need her to tone her playfulness/brattiness back some. Be clear that counting means what she’s doing isn’t acceptable any longer and needs to immediately stop.
If she doesn’t, you may just want to quietly leave and take a short walk outside alone so that you can cool down and she can see that you’re not just playing around with her. She will be okay, she is an adult. When you return, tell her that she was hurting you by not respecting your feelings too and that you had to step out so you didn’t accidentally say hurtful things to her about it.

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